pennylane11

63 kg. decent.

gotta go on my run now and do abs. and homework!

man boys do suck. i don't even know why i'm saying that, seeing as how i've established a harem of actually really sweet...nice....semi-hot.....boys....so i'm not really allowed to say that at this point in my life. but i will anyway, on behalf of others.

so this is my plan in life: never be without a harem. it's your safety net to fall back on. i've never ever but never not had a pretty substantial harem except with my last relationship, and that was dumb. it took me a whole week to get a good one going, and that's one week too long without kisses and hugs and sweet adoring lustful messages of lust. here's some science for you:

"When two people find each other attractive, their bodies quiver with a gush of PEA, a molecule that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells. An amphetamine-like chemical, PEA whips the brain into a frenzy of excitement, which is why lovers feel euphoric, rejuvenated, optimistic, and energized, happy to sit up all night or making love for hours on end. Because "speed" is addictive, even the body's naturally made speed, some people become "attraction junkies", needing a romantic relationship to feel excited about life."

--Diane Ackerman

Does that sound familar? yeap. that's me all right. i don't need LOVE. i just love lust. i don't even usually feel it myself, it's very rare that i find myself powerfully sexually attracted by someone. a beautiful boy is regarded more as something to show off and play with than to actually fuck. but i do need that rush of being wanted. it's almost a craziness of mine. one of many, granted. i mean damn i don't even like sex that much. i like what happens before and after but the whole middle part, unless it is really warped and twisted, does not truly interest me.

ah i'm a mindfuck till the end.

..or at least it should be.

my problem isnt really fat as much as its muscle. most of my weight IS muscle...lots of it IN MY LEGS. and i hate it. ohh the perks of being miss gung-ho athlete. since when do people want to LOSE muscle?!?! i dont know, but i'd sure like to lose some in my whale thighs...sure i can kick someone real hard....but honestly....too much is too much you know?

maybe i need to cut down the sports until schools out. and just focus in abs and my arms. too bad swimming destroyed my shoulder and my push up resembles a floppy pancake more than any athletic movement. sexy huh?

oh no oh no oh no! geeky boy professed his "feelings" for me. you should have seen me dodge those bullets....i was so good! i was nice and kind but not condescending and most of all....dim.

as in, i made it seem as if i hadn't fully understood what feelings he was talking about. hottdamn. this sucks, what am i to do? why do feelings ruin everything?? fuck. he asked me back to his place but i cried wolf, oh gee, another headache. how many headaches can one gal have?

urgh. maybe i should show my true colors and scare him off for good. i keep imagining beetlejuice turning into that scary medusa monster and then back into beetlejuice, but everyone is petrified. he would be horrified if he knew anything about me. poor ducky.

weird...some dude is in my apartment to change some thing in the bathroom....anyway...

i guess i should start being active on the sites more often. maybe i shouldnt have deactivated my other account and stuck with that one but it just got annoying with trolls and shit. whatever.

today i seriously need to bust my ass and get all my work done! my dad reminded me again that uni is MY LIFE and that i should seriously get all this done. thanks dad im 20, im usd to the routine and i AM obsessed with school... :)

didnt do my morning weigh in yet cause of mr.dude here in the bathroom. bleh. i need my water.

so, dates. no, not the fruit. everyone always gets angry that i supposedly mislabel dates, as in, i refuse to call dates "dates". i don't know what a date is, i suppose. i say, anytime before you've fucked the person, that's a date. dates are the fake foreplay before you can get into each other's pants. where you say things like, "oh i love modern art" and "i think children are great" just to not come off as an axe-wielding crazy person.

i dunno, man, i'm so shut off from that crazy dating world that people rhapsodize so much about. i'm always in relationships. ALWAYS. jesus christ. not thati'm complaining, but i've forgotten what it feels to be single. maybe it feels good? i seem to make out with a lot of unworthy people when i'm single.

i don't even like that word, single, it makes me think of grape juice or airplane food. what am i saying, even.

shoulr i start new years resolutions for summer?

oh to progress, perhaps? maybe get my shit together? maybe not be a lazy fucking moron? maybe start writing a fucking BOOK?

a coloring book would be cool. i'm wearing a lot of makeup and my hair loks amazing and there is no one to see it as my boy is in lame New York being lame in New York.

PS: size does matter, apparently.

...no not really. i just wanted to say that.

this is the 3rd or 4th journal/blog/whatever you want to name it thing i've started. and i better stick to it this time....

for now i think i'll leave it open so people can read, add me if they want..you know. then i'll probably make it friends only so SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY!!!!

(i would like to appologize for all eventual spelling aberrations. english is NOT my forte :[ )


and in case you didnt read my interests or see the communities i'm in...i have certain issues i'm currently dealing with and have been dealing with for quite some time now, like Bipolar and EDNOS. no i'm not proud of it. honey, IT AIN'T A FAD! but lets not get dramatic, comment me!!! (wow that sounded lame and for that i'm sorry).



morning weigh in: 64kg.
my thoughts on that? girl we got work to do.